As women, we are destined to experience a heart break at some point in our lives. Whether your heart was broken by a spouse, friend, co-worker or loss of a loved one, you will experience some type of loss. Because we are emotional beings, a broken-heart will or have taken it’s toll. I too, have experienced a severe heart break in my lifetime. Because my heart break came from a loss of someone very dear to me, I considered the five stages of grief during my grieving period. I’m no Sigmund Freud, but I wonder if the same stages can be considered when dealing with betrayal and heart break from a former spouse, partner, or lover.
1. Denial: Were you ever in denial because you just couldn’t believe someone you trusted betrayed you in some way? Have you ever stayed in an unhealthy relationship due to this same denial?
2. Anger: Whether you admit to this stage of grief or not, it goes without saying you were definitely angry during your heartbreak. You are slowly moving on at this stage, but you are clearly not ready to let go and completely move on.
3. Bargaining: This is the state where you feel you should have done more in the relationship or try to rationalize what more you could have done to stop the betrayal. The truth is probably nothing.
4. Depression: You have now gotten to the stage where your emotions are winning the battle over your physical state. You’re very unhappy and sad, and the the betrayal has completely taken it’s toll on your emotional as well as the physical.
5. Acceptance: This is the stage in which you have come to terms with the hurt you have been experiencing. You are still unhappy, but you are getting closer to the point where you can move on.
Again, I’m no psychologist, but if you’ve experienced a loss you should be able to relate. The question still remains, “how do you get over a broken heart”? I would have to say in my case that it was time and forgiveness.
Time: Give yourself time to heal. If you did make mistakes in the relationship, learn from them so that you can become a better partner in the future. Rebound relationships rarely works. To be in a successful relationship in the future, you have to completely let go of the hurt from the past. That leads to forgiveness.
Forgiveness: This will probably be the hardest thing you will ever do after having your heart broken. Trust me when I say you will feel like a much better person once you have relieved yourself from the anger and the pain. The anger you harbor inside keeps you from moving on and becoming free.
Keep in mind that I never said “forget”! You forgive now so you can move forward to the future. You never forget! If you ever see the similar signs of betrayal again, you may be able to remove yourself from the relationship before there is another heart break.