fingers               In relationships you fall into one of three categories: the fan, the cheerleader, or the teammate. Each individual plays a key role in the life of their significant other. It is possible to start out in one role and progress to another. You may even find that some roles overlap. Ladies, take a look closer to see if you see yourself in either of these roles.  Gentleman, perhaps the woman with whom you are in a relationship/situationship can be described by one of the following categories:

  1. The Fan. The fan is the woman who at first appears to be your biggest supporter. She’s the loudest one in the stands. This woman fully supports you and she doesn’t care at all who knows it. She desires to be closer to you, but in your eyes she is just one of many others like her. Although you appreciate her support you have no desire to know her on a relational level. You could describe your connection with her as a situationship. There’s no commitment here, just merely convenience. At times she feels as if the effort that she puts forth goes unnoticed and this frustrates her. However, she keeps cheering you on in hopes that one day you will notice. She has the blues like Alicia Keys singing, “You Don’t Know My Name.” But she still dreams of your future together. She only has a bird’s eye view of your life because you have yet to let her into your inner thoughts.  The only intimacy she has with you is that which may be physical, but the relational intimacy she conceives in her mind.

    There are two types of fans that one may encounter: “die-hard” and “bandwagon” fans. Either way, getting involved with a fan can lead to much regret. They both want the finished product minus the process you went through to get there. The “die-hard” fan is obsessed with your success, but will still support even if you fall flat. After all, she’s still holding on to whom you used to be and the accomplishments you achieved decades ago. Remember she is obsessed and she has already planned your life together. She is in love with the idea of love, but has no idea what it takes to maintain the relationship that she’s often fantasized about. She has no idea how to help propel you towards greatness in the case that you do fall flat. She has no goals or realistic dreams of her own.  She spent so much time obsessing over you that she failed to invest in her own personal development. The two of you together could potentially be toxic. On the other hand, the “bandwagon” fan is also obsessed with your success, but when you’re no longer winning she will quickly jump ship and support the winning team.


  1. The Cheerleader. Whether you’re on or off the field, she is continually rooting for you. She’s closer to you than the fan, but not as close as the teammate. She has a sideline view of your life. She sees when you’re hurting and when you’re at the top of your game. The cheerleader is not just there for the highlights, but she sees you at your lowest lows and she stays in your corner. The way she cares for you is more than infatuation and you recognize it. She’s dependable. She’s consistent. During your winning season or your losing streak you know that you can count on her. The love she has for you is genuine. She prays for you harder than she prays for herself. She wants to see you win. She stands in support of you while at the same time pursuing her own personal goals and interests. She’s very self-aware and believes that she has what it takes to help you get to the next level. She has an up close view of your struggles and your successes. While others are in the stands taking shots at you, she distracts you with words of encouragement and acts of love. She takes pleasure in motivating you and being the beacon of light in a room full of darkness. The cheerleader is your teammate in training. However, your ability to receive her love for you determines whether she continues to support you from the sidelines or whether she actually gets in the game. Given her title, she will continue her cheer leading duties, but there’s so much more to her than meets eye.


  1. The Teammate. I’m talking wife status here. She was once a cheerleader, but has now moved on to the “big league”. She still carries the attributes and responsibilities of the cheerleader. She has not stopped cheering you on. She is still your support system. However, now she knows firsthand what you experience because she’s on the field with you.  When she notices that you’re off your game or a little distracted she calls a timeout. It’s time to huddle up. She’s the one to help you get your head back in the game. Other women desire to play her position, but they don’t see the hits and the blows that she took for the team. Frankly, they’re just not equipped to take on her role. But the teammate…she’s a trooper. She covers you in prayer from foreseen and unseen danger. She does her best to make a clear path straight to the end zone by keeping your opponent at bay. This woman is purpose-driven and her main goal in the relationship is to help you get THERE.  She loves selflessly and often puts your needs before her own. At the end of the day she knows that there’s a championship at stake. And because there’s no “i” in team, she doesn’t mind taking one for the team. She allows you to shine like the star that you are, but you both know that she’s the real MVP. Besides, she knows that if you win, then it’s a win for the TEAM.


So ladies which are you?


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